9. Comfortably Numb-ber 1

“Are you there? Hidden in your castles and drowning in oxazepam, lorazepam, and Retalin?”

This calls for a pause. They will know, and there is no time to get away. They already know. They are pretending they don’t. Are you there? Can you see it? Can you feel it? They call it “conspiracy theory”, and those who get it “conspiracy theorists”. They label everything. That’s how they will dominate us, control us. We are labeled as “crazy”, dismissed as “outcasts”. They scare us into submission. To be part of it, they say, to be part of normal, they say, do this, do that, be this, be that, take this and that. They think for us. We are scared little mice, hidden in the corner. They give us things, family, a sense of normalcy, they call it. We think we don’t care. They can hear us. They know our every thought. We created us in their image.

Are you there? Can you feel it? Do you feel it when you are about to post something online and feel the need to explain yourself? Do you feel it when your family “comes first”, how about when you get on all fours and bow to the Leviathan, to the Master, and work to please. Do you “feel” it? They are there watching us, and we are scared of getting dismissed. Of being fired, and branded and labeled and discarded.

Are you there? Do you “feel” the strain of “freedom”, the hold of it, around your neck? Its shackles around you feet? You “Wild” thing. Are you there? Where is that “there”? What is it you are “afraid” of? To “lose” IT all? What is that? Your house? Your family? And your pets? The nice little picket fenced “life” you have got “going on” for you?

Is it “getting too much” for you? Can you “not take it”? Are you “dealing” with your “disconnection”, and fucking “celebrating”, fucking life with all its “beauty”? Are you lost in #graduatetogether #athometogether #fucktogether , and that nauseous feeling of “togetherness” is “helping” you? What? You “need” to talk? What? You “feel” hopeless? Do you have it all figured out? Does you “spouse” have your leash and are you just in a “I don’t give a fuck mode”? Are you just “existing”, and just “are”? Scared aren’t we now? Come on you know what I am talking about… that “emptiness”, that familiarity, that fuck it and blame it all on “responsibilities”. That I am “depressed”, and “anxious”, “fucked in the head” because the doctor told me so and I can “overcome” shit.

Are you there? Is your life a vomit of recycled words? Do you read this and that and “feel” educated? Do you hold five degrees and speak seven languages and “happiness is your goal”, but in secret you are “miserable”, and down five pills a day just for “anxiety”, and “other” things? Do you hide behind I hate life and I am gotta do what I gotta do but I hate it? Do you say I love you because it is easier than not to? Do you stay silent when every inch of you wants to scream? Have you let go, but still do the master’s bidding at the moment when you least expect it?

Are you there? Do you believe? Do you rely on the “authorities”, on the “system”, the “institutions”, and do you believe in their “power” to “protect and serve” you? Can you taste the how “aware” you think you are? The thought of “not having it” scares you. Doesn’t it? Not having your family, children, your prized possessions, your status. You choose to ignore it all. And you are blind. And you think you can see it all. You have a plan. You think I will do enough just to get through this stage, or that part of “life”. Let the kids grow and then, let the spouse die and then. Let my parents die and then I will stop. I will quit this bullshit. Are you there? Do you feel it? Do you feel its hold. Do you feel its grasp on every aspect of whatever you thing it is “you” are or “have”?

Do you frame your own thoughts in forms of “quotes” so that no one can tell those thoughts are all “yours”. Are you scared to be discarded and left alone?

Are you there? Hidden in your castles and drowning in oxazepam, lorazepam, and Retalin? ADHD? They say? Do you have to “prove” them wrong? Because who wants to be labeled right? Are you a good little boy and an awesome girl doing what is “expected” of you? Do you “feel” “protected” and secure because the person you “love” just spent four hours to “communicate” and “listen” to your bullshit self-preserving shit, and jut shut up and knotted its head just so you would shut the fuck up sooner, and get on with your miserable “ohcometakecareofme” BS?

Are you there? Do you see it?

Beaten docile are we? Scared are we? Now now, now, now children, let’s not “panic”. Let’s all take a deep breath? “Behave”. And stop “acting crazy”. “Get your shit together”. Just a little pinprick, here, there, and this pill… good… you are doing a great job… now now children. We are “protecting you”. Do this and that. Take care of “each other” and your loved ones. #togetherathome #togetherweare

This calls for a pause. They know. They have it all figured out. And here we are “Comfortably Numb”….